Songs BETA
Guitar-wielding, quick-fire lyrics, catchy tunes, too many trick rhymes and puns.
January 2025
SubtitlesOriginal
A song about watching videos on the toilet with subtitles - the first draft
25 January 2025
February 2025
Grandma's BirthdayImprovised
on the spot reggae number about forgetting Grandma’s birthday
13 February 2025March 2025
They're The Skeptics With a K - with original musicOriginal
Following up from the AI version of the actual theme to this podcast, I wrote a real version of the song that was copyright to me, rather than restricted by their license. They dropped it into one episode. It's essentially a tribute to them and takes the piss a bit too
2 March 2025
Jelly - A live coverCoverLive
Originally on Monkey Paw Too, this is me enjoying a chance to sing it myself
6 March 2025Don't Send Me a Voicenote - Original versionOriginalStudio
Ended up on Ashley Frieze is Wasting His Time - a grumpy complaint about voicenotes
8 March 2025Ch Ch Ch Change FreezeParody
A David Bowie parody about some companies's resolute obsession with stopping the flow of value
20 March 2025LinkedIn BlahAI
I just set some blether from someone on LinkedIn to AI music (with some extra words from me too)
27 March 2025April 2025
Proper CodersAI
How software engineering teams are mismanaged through the combination of penny pinching executives and the false promises of certain offshore companies - a Pulp pastiche
7 April 2025
Vibe CodingAI
A satirical song about vibe coders and the mess they can get into if they are not self-critical
24 April 2025
May 2025
She's Always Annoying to Me - live coverCoverLive
A live cover version of a song from Monkey Paw Too
31 May 2025June 2025
Why is Hugh Bonneville Always Whispering? - original versionOriginal
this version was recorded before I made the album and remade for the album later
1 June 2025Speech Isn't FreeOriginal
the original release of this song using the recording that was on the album, though it went through further mixing and sonic improvement
3 June 2025Netflix and ChilliAI
an AI song I found on my hard drive that made me laugh, so I released it
9 June 2025OnlyFans TeacherAI
based on a news article about a teacher who got struck off for being on OnlyFans
14 June 2025How I Wish (Doctor) Who Was HereParody
a summary of the Doctor Who series that had just ended - this was a gateway song to remake my connection to the Doctor Who Podcast
23 June 2025You're Going to Have to Admit it - extended versionOriginal
a longer version of the original, which was then recorded again for the album
26 June 2025July 2025
The Strimming Incident - OriginalOriginal
an acappella song about an accident with the strimmer
2 July 2025
I Will Die on This Hill - OriginalOriginal
the original recording which would have been like that on the album, but for people goading me into making other versions
10 July 2025Your Tattoos Look Ridiculous - DemoOriginal
trying out the song before recording it properly for the album
12 July 2025The One Guy Who Doesn’t Appear To Do AnythingOriginal
a song about the guy at work who is present but not really doing anything
15 July 2025I Will Die on This Hill - FasterOriginal
faster with some additional backing vocals, made using autotune from the original vocal
21 July 2025I Will Die on This Hill - Much FasterOriginal
faster again with more additional fake backing vocals... leading to the final version getting its own real backing vocals
22 July 2025
MediumshipOriginalStudio
My reply to the psychics targeting me on social media advertising.
31 July 2025
The Strimming IncidentOriginalStudio
A song about the time I accidentally strimmed my own shin.
31 July 2025Why is Hugh Bonneville Always Whispering?OriginalStudio
The acting style of Hugh Bonneville
31 July 2025The Meeting That Should Have Been an EmailOriginalStudio
A brass band complaint about unnecessary meetings
31 July 2025The Local Facebook GroupOriginalStudio
The frustrations and pains of your local FB group
31 July 2025Billionaires Are Going to SpaceOriginalStudio
The trend of the rich entertaining themselves in space
31 July 2025Grow Your Bush to Save the WorldOriginalStudio
A childish song about environment and "The Bush"
31 July 2025SubtitlesOriginalStudio
A song about watching videos on the toilet with subtitles, an elongated version for the album
31 July 2025I'm Sorry I Overreacted to Your Social Media PostOriginalStudio
Nobody really even reads social media posts
31 July 2025August 2025
Circumcision Documentary Dad JokeOriginal
a dad joke about a documentary on circumcision
8 August 2025I'm Not Coming - Edinburgh Show VersionOriginal
the video I filmed with my daughter in which I sit in my boot and then climb a hill. Contains an early version of the mix with a different vocal to the album version.
12 August 2025Ode to Ghislane MaxwellOriginalStudio
ode to Ghislane Maxwell - a satire on the Trump administration's treatment of her
24 August 2025September 2025
Cackling Girl in the Dressing GownOriginalStudio
true story about an obnoxious woman in her jimjams in Tesco
1 September 2025Online RecipesOriginal
a demo of a song I hope to put on a future album. How online recipe writers are wasting all our time
27 September 2025You Have to WaitOriginal
Is this about romantic relationships? or is your printer broken?
29 September 2025October 2025
Kitty Cat BluesCoverLive
a cover version of the song from Monkey Paw Cowboy, performed live
5 October 2025Always Share Your Window Not Your ScreenOriginal
a song about oversharing on Teams meetings
6 October 2025Someone on the Internet is WrongOriginal
juxtaposes what we teach kids with what we do
15 October 2025NotificationsOriginal
my delight at yet another feed item saying I’ve been tagged as a follower of someone I care zilch about
22 October 2025Reply AllOriginal
nspired by people hitting reply all on a mailing list that shouldn’t have CCed us all
25 October 2025Nothing is TrueOriginal
a commentary on a world where increasingly less we see is real
29 October 2025Elton I QuitOriginal
From my show Discograffiti, this was a live version played at home to bring the song back into my memory
31 October 2025November 2025
Two People Comedy SketchOriginal
about how we find so many examples of one person pretending to be two
1 November 2025Reposted PropagandaOriginal
inspired when someone posted something that’s utter bollocks about coughing yourself out of a heart attack
3 November 2025Let Me Poo in Peace - First live attemptOriginalLive
this is a song I found half of on an old notepad at a new material night, so hastily completed and put a tune to... then got a bit wrong... then learned and did for real at a gig soon after
6 November 2025Jamaican Jerk Chicken - Original demoOriginal
a one liner I came up with during a gig, set to music
7 November 2025
Comments Section on FacebookOriginal
a songlet about the illiterate flag shaggers underneath any post about any news
17 November 2025Bitcoin CrashingOriginal
Bitcoin's fluctuations of the time of writing, plus its inevitable drift down to zero where it belongs
18 November 2025Bollocks - Original releaseOriginal
turns out I was commenting this a lot on internet posts, so I created a song to cover it
23 November 2025Nobody's Trying to Steal Your Christmas - Original demoOriginal
a response to the people complaining that you can’t get Christmas trees because of woke
24 November 2025Reform VotersOriginal
a piano ballad about Reform voters – it started off as the line “Have you painted any roundabouts lately”, which I thought sounded like the song “Have I told you lately”, so I extrapolated it to a new song.
25 November 2025Farage InterviewHybrid
my first proper hybrid, taking a sketch of words and tune, performed as a demo, giving it to AI, and then singing over the backing track that comes out. In this case, with added vocals from a Nigel Farage interview that I’d entirely taken out of context for comic effect.
26 November 2025December 2025
When Santa Worked at a Strip Club - DemoOriginal
a song that I wrote on a notebook at one gig, tried out by playing to camera at a second gig, and never performed, or released in any other form after… indeed, I’d completely forgotten about it
4 December 2025Bonnie Blue and Nigel FarageOriginal
a short song theorising why Bonnie Blue, the adult film performer, may be anti-immigration
12 December 2025
Next ChristmasAI
This made it onto the Christmas episode, though they cut the last line, even though we all had a laugh about that line in the studio on the recording. Compliance eh! To be honest, when I heard this one, I knew it would be the one we'd use. It's a pastiche of "Last Christmas" and it slaps
17 December 2025
Christmas in the AI BubbleAI
REJECTED song pitched to AI decoded for their Christmas show. This was quite Christmassy and quite about AI talking points but wasn't the favourite
17 December 2025Christmas DecodedAI
REJECTED song pitched to AI decoded for their Christmas show. It shows how we might need journalists to help navigate AI
17 December 2025The Champion of the Golden QuarterAI
an IT related song about how to protect from downtime during peak periods, someone’s assigned to stop everyone doing stuff
17 December 2025All of Crypto is a ScamHybrid
this one’s been sitting in my back pocket for ages – I had a lyric and tune, but I didn’t have the time to make a brass band to go with it… and my experience making a brass band for “The Meeting That Should Have Been an Email” has been putting me off doing another… cue Suno Studio adding to a cover version of my piano demo, and we got a backing track for me to sing over
19 December 2025Big MaxImprovised
an improvised song from Mad Friday at Hull Comedy Lounge where someone rudely went to the toilet, so I set them to music
19 December 2025The Mandela EffectOriginal
a second round of the song… or am I just misremembering the first one
20 December 2025Family PoliticsCover
this is me singing a cover song of a track from Christmas Slop. I wrote the lyrics. The AI wrote the tune and original arrangement. This is a live acoustic cover.
20 December 2025Nobody's Trying to Steal Your Christmas - JazzHybrid
a hybrid remix of the song from November - added a jazz backing to my original, while waiting in my car for a gig to start
20 December 2025The Mandela Effect - UkuleleOriginal
a third round of the song… maybe I have to keep plugging away at this until people get the second layer of joke
22 December 2025The Mandela Effect - 12 StringOriginal
a fourth version of the song, on 12 string guitar
30 December 2025